childhood summer holidays

sunny and shiny (how sad i'm trapped at work)

eating crisps and drinking cream soda (in the office, now) reminds me of my childhood summer holidays treat... we sat on that old-fashioned straw mat with the fan on, shared a can of cream soda and a pack of shrimp crackers, and watched tv... it literally felt like a treat of the year... pity not a second person could understand what i'm talking about now... i miss you...

just dawn on me how different things are now... i only buy the largest possible cherries for pikabee... hmm...

note to self

what a nice day

it's been so long that i ain't "a physician in training" for ages...

living my myself in a foreign city is not new... living by myself away from pikabee is... it's been a while since i've had some personal time... shopping, i mean "real" shopping has been such a luxury... not to mention cooking, side trips, massage... and i didn't know i enjoy cafe hopping so much!

paid my first visit to new york and las vegas... travelling by myself is actually more comfy than i have imagined... finally had a chance to meet up with some good pals after (a little more than) a decade! biking in a park (on a dual bike) was wonderful... it amazes me how we had grown up together...  i still remember those conversations on our aspirations then... it's all about parenthood now...

what strikes me the most during this whole experience here is leadership, no doubt... i hope this little note will serve as a reminder for the future me... a real leader is different from a boss... the former trusts his team, is focused and foresighted... and one always has to reach out of one's comfort zone to succeed...while the latter is merely a pathetic and scattered control-freak... a loser...

now, i'm all ready to go back to motherhood... how nice if i can have something like this every other year...

passing the gift

oven hot

today is passing the gift... i was very happy with this big smile on my face all day... truly felt the joy of being a bride to be... i thank mum for all the tiny little things with lots of thoughts & blessing in it...

again it's yungyung who brought me back to my blog... i miss her loads today... when i was pouring tea to her shrine i wanted it so much that she could be physically here... that she could witness the moments the gifts in red came into my home... that she could experience the merry moments... that she could know the little girl she whole-heartedly raised is stepping into another stage of life... i was told she would know, this i can never tell...  i only know she is very deeply missed...

blues

There're so many things which let me down this month... Exams, presentations, exams, loneliness, exams, dissertations and exams & wedding... Even a five-day escape to vancouver doesn't help...

I've been reminding myself that it is something once in a lifetime, it is utmost happiness, a process that I'll have much pleasure organising and leave myself the very best memory in future... Somehow I'm facing some stressors still... Hopefully I'll get thru the blues in a few weeks time when I meet my dearest mmc & get my annual exam done!

CNY rituals

chillin'

a tradition in my family... we celebrate the beginning of Chinese new year each year by worshipping... mum cooks a dish of vege (I must emphasise she's really good at it)... we worship gods & ancestors... we send each other blessings and collect our red packets... then we eat the vege dish with nice hot tea before going to bed (of course with parents' red packets under my pillow)...

the ritual didn't mean much to me... as i grow up, I began to enjoy the process with the whole family together under the jolly happy mood... it's a little different this year... it's the last time I share the moment with them... My parents wish me a happy marriage in their greetings... which makes me miss it a bit... well I've been looking forward to living with my favourite rabbit and starting our own family... I know i'll be seeing them often, but I do treasure the times at home when we talk nonsense (which is, in fact, the official household language)... I feel so complicated now...

all kinds of everything

we still have winter...

this tune happens to whirl around me... quite like it...

Snowdrops and daffodils
butterflies and bees
sailboats and fishermen
things of the sea
wishing-wells wedding bells
early morning dew
all kinds of everything remind me of you

Seagulls and aeroplanes
things of the sky
winds that go howlin'
breezes that sigh
city sights neon lights
grey skies or blue
all kinds of everything remind me of you

Summertime wintertime
spring and autumn too
Monday Tuesday every day
I think of you

Dances romances
things of the night
sunshine and holidays
postcards to write
Budding trees autumn leaves
a snowflake or two
all kinds of everything remind me of you

2009 what a year!

please stay for a little longer, autumn...

2009 is approaching the end, this is one very special year of my life therefore i've decided to make a note...

in 2009, i...
#started higher training in nephrology...
#took part in my first ever golf tournament, began to pick up the game & improving!
#become the "bread winner" of the family, since both my parents retired...
#moved out of government quarters after living there for decades...
#boarded a cruise ship for the first time & went to my first golf trip...
#submitted my first poster & went to my first overseas conference...
#went to lots & lots of friends' wedding...
#and, most importantly, i farewelled my most-loved grandma, missed her loads & would never forget our sweet times together...

the longest drive

foggy

finally got something to post because i've done something "extraordinary"... i'm off work for 3 days and it gave me a real nice break from stressful & endless work...

i participated in my first ever "golf tournament" with my colleagues... also my first time to play with people other than rabbit's family... it was a very enjoyable day on the golf course... i'm the only female and the least-experienced player in the group... i've been practising extraordinarily hard in the past months because i knew i'd be the obvious reason if my team lost... my practice was paid off & am so happy that i performed better than my usual self... i scored the least which was kind of expected yet my team won!!! i'm very glad because i finally find myself playing & enjoying the game... it's unbelievable i even got the longest drive prize! well it's not that fair to my fellow colleagues because i drove from the red tee which was far closer to the pole then their white tee... anyway it was a wonderful day especially it's a group of rather unrelated & "older" colleagues whom i rarely talk to... some senior colleagues actually more "approachable" than they appeared... i'm already looking to the next match in autumn... i hope it'll really happen...

am just back from macau... my first visit in 2 decades... also my first personal experience in casinos... it was great & fun... the 2-day mobile-phone-less trip was good enough to relax & refresh... i wish i have energy in coming days to make a travel blog entry & note all the nice food in detail... it's also an opportunity to reflect on things around myself & to realize there're memories that i couldn't forget...

blueying's birthday...

today is blueying's 2nd birthday! i celebrated it by forcing my parents & momochung & rabbit & funfun to say happy birthday to blueying... my dearest koapig was the only person who congratulated blueying without being prompted (luv u!)... we went to lung king heen for dim sum... i've been looking for really nice dim sum & heard that the restaurant is good at it... i've tried to book a table for a few times and only today i succeeded... well we're not disappointed... but there's no surprise either... i'd be thrilled if it's exceedingly yummy provided the menu was a little expensive... (yup am a bit demanding...) as usual we're a little moliu & started this photography competition while having desserts... the same piece of pastry...


dad's work...















and mine...
















mochung trying to be fancy & added a spoon...














mum's the champion!














my family also went to "yau gwut hei" for hotpot dinner... anyway, blueying & all of us are very happy... yeh!

welcome to our ridiculous world

humid...

just editted a post... my english was so poor that i actually couldn't comprehend my own entry... haha...

am quite frustrated lately... i find myself living in a messy world...

a pop singer took intimate pictures in private... someone copied them without his permission and showed it to the whole world... it's the singer who is condemned... the singer whose personal files are taken without him knowing... society labels him the devil... parents & teachers don't know what to tell the kids... how simple, teach them it's unethical to take one's personal stuff without one's permission...

another thief stole an USB storage device from a doctor's office... surprisingly it's the doctor, whose things are stolen, who is punished... because she forgot to lock the door... the thief seems to hold no responsiblity... in that case, if someone reports burglary, police should arrest him because he is careless enough to let it happen... how amazing... since then, x-ray envelops are turned upside down in wards, and medical records are not allowed in end of beds... even the doctors can't locate them... some even say we're not allowed USB at work... there's this chinese proverb, "chop the toes to avoid worms"... how vividly we put it in into action...

a patient has some problematic family members who are very demanding and peculiar on literally every piece of care the patient received... seemingly i was too kind to them to "allow" it happened... how easy it is for anyone to comment on the friendly case doctor who will not yell back... when no one dares to talk to the family who is the origin of problems... not to mention confronting them as i "ought to"...

i have the passion to serve... but it upsets me to realize how pathetic the world is.... where & what are the moral standards & human values these days??? so confusing...

EQ

misty

think my IQ is pretty high yet EQ quite low... it didn't seem to happen in the past... the longer i work as a registered doctor the more i'm aware of this problem... many tiny things can upset me... say my patient died.. or someone absolutely irrelevant made a comment about my clinical judgement... or a bad weather forecast in angkor wat... it's not anything overwhelming really, just a bit imperfect and pitiful... on the other hand, i am easily pleased... a nice dessert, a good swing, or the fact that my patient quitted smoking, can all charge me up for hours...

ain't sure whether i've always been like that... was i unaware of it? i noticed it only after entering university... are we actually born with a certain level of EQ, like it's carried in our genes??? perhaps i was over-protected as i grew up hence i'm so uncomfortable with negativities... i don't have a clue... perhaps i'm too demanding... perhaps i'm overthinking... perhaps it's a girlish borderline personality trait... my male friends probably think i complain too much... my explicitness contrasts with rabbit's couldn't-care-less attitude... how interesting...

i'm quite certain i have to improve my EQ in order to survive through my career... it's a satisfying job and i really love it... somehow i'm put off by things that i face... maybe this happens to everyone as we enter adulthood...

my guess watch

just fine

i only have a few watches... there is one and only one favourite... an oval-shape guess watch... it's a present from dad a decade ago after the school cert exams... dad is the kind of man who never buys nonessential things... he provides me with everything i need... but he very very rarely buys a gift... i can literally count the few... a watch, a musical *risu* from hokkaido and my car... the squirrel dolly must be the most nonessential good he's ever bought... i treasure every gift from my parents, particularly this watch... it was the summer trip to australia in 1998... i remember exactly where this shop in gold coast was... i finished my school cert exam and did exceptionally well... to my parents, a child need not be awarded for getting good grades (i personally agree with them)... this is the only time dad thought his child was worth some *award* for doing well in exams... the egg-shape made it very unique... i've never seen a single one like mine...

the back cover of the watch is rather strange... it takes a special tool to open... that makes repair difficult... i had to send it back to the maintenance centre just to change the battery...

now i always have a cell phone with me i don't really need a watch... usually i rely on the phone for time... this watch was put aside for some years... naturally the battery has run out... recently i begin practising for paces exam then i realise i need a watch to time the pulse and respiratory rate... i have no functioning watch except a very funky one...

yesterday i finished CGAT early at 3pm... i could finally find time to go to the maintenance centre in north point... i showed the receptionist my watch and she commented that was a very old one and she needed to see whether they still had the parts... so i waited for some 20 mins then she told me once again since the model is so old they don't have the battery anymore... i asked her whether she can order it from other parts of the world but no... nor could they ship my watch to other places... in the end she gave me a list of address of distributors around the world which is probably quite useless... i also asked them to take out the battery hoping i can find the battery somewhere on this planet...

the conversation was familiar... it's like when i tell my patients' family that we decided not to do resuscitation... we make use of every opportunity to remind them the patient is already weak and frail and has multi-organ failure... and that there is no hope to revitalise them... it's about time to let go...

the receptionist was courteous and i believe there's really nothing she can help to fix my watch... still my heart sank a bit knowing i lost the channel to have my watch ticking again... though it's quite worn and scratched... i actually treasure it more than i have imagined... it accompanied me through all my exams... i wish it will accompany me to paces exam, too...

now i'm going to search around for this tiny button battery hoping i can find it somewhere in sham shui po and get my favourite watch function again... please let me know if you happen to know anyone who might be able to get this battery for me...

life in RH

cold

there're so many things that i'd like to update... i'm just a bit too lazy...

have been working in RH... it's said to be a form of rehabilitation for me... quite true... now i have breakfast at home every day... this morning, since it's so cold, i stayed in bed till 8 and left home at 8.40am... and still i was on time for work... isn't it amazing... i think i saved more than an hour a day on travelling... not to mention the gas and tunnel fees...

i have a very heavy load of patients here... i've fallen into the viscous cycle where the other 2 MOs have very few cases and i have plenty... but still quite manageable because i work in the geriatric team... i begin to understand why people in LKB have 30 odd cases and still manage to finish the morning work in 2 hours... when patients cannot speak it saves a lot of time... only 4 out of a dozen patients can vocalise, of which around 1-2 can actually communicate verbally... (i was literally very excited when i could finally talk to my 8th patient on day one...) it saves some more time when majority of them are here for conservative, minimal invasive care... and when they're all in the same ward without the need to walk around... it saves time further!

people are nice here... they're quite senior... not as fun as my mother department where almost anyone would *play* with me... that makes life a bit bored... i've been sending of dozens of sms a day now... chatting with friends... calling up jjj for lunch... things i would never have time to do before... i'm glad jjj's here otherwise i'm absolutely friendless...

another year begins

freezing

happy new year mates!

am glad to hear that someone is still reading my blog... though it's been quite dormant for the past half a year... there's really nothing worth noting in my life... it's been so ordinary and regular... whenever someone asked how i have been i was like o it's all the same... very boring...

think i've never mentioned why i started this blog... 1. all my cousins have their own blogs, i'm the eldest in the generation... i must have mine to avoid appearing old and out... it keeps me from detaching from the modern world... 2. i could (perhaps) improve my written english by writing... since both reasons still stand... i should keep my blog going... this year, i'm gonna tag my posts!

there were a few gatherings during the festive month... spending time with family and dear friends... enjoy very much meeting them at comfy places and chit-chatting... there're too many people with whom i'm happy to keep in touch with... think i've already seen half of them in the past month... i wish i have time to meet others in the months to come... given that i don't have paces exam now... and hopefully RH is really as heavenly as it's known to be... so that i can rehab myself a bit...