reflection

freezing












this is the old lady who has influenced me all her life...

she gave me all the laughter and sweet childhood memories...
she brought me up with great care so i grew up healthy...
she taught me righteousness and self discipline...
she made me hate cheese and all kinds of dairy products...

it's one whole year... she walked with stick and was ADL independent until her stroke and all the events started a year ago... although she is now bedridden and sometimes she cannot recall my name, her influence is there, especially on my work in geriatrics...

i have worked in the geriatrics team for 2 weeks now... and i have a few stories to share... geriatrics must be one of the most boring subjects... many geriatrics patients are bedridden, non-communicable, non-oral feeding, double-incontinent, contractures & bedsores... to some extent i don't really see their meaning to live... we're just keeping their heart beating by providing water and nutrients through the tube... i ain't even sure whether or not they're living... many would agree we probably prolong their suffering... that's a very difficult topic in ethics... let's not talk about the very extremes...

there's this old lady in ward the other day... her granddaughter happened to be a resident in another department of another hospital... i was doing this sunday ward round and this lady who was quite well premorbid ended up having a leg ulcer with sepsis requiring debridement... naturally she could hardly move and was a bit deconditioned after being hospitalised for some weeks... she asked me for water... so i picked a cup from a cabinet next to her bed but she wasn't even sure whether the cup was hers... i turned to the nurse for help...

as the nurse picked up the cup of water mixed with thickener and fed this lady, she said... "just a bit is enough... u see i'm very busy right now... if you would think about your grand-daughter being asked for this and that when she's working, you won't be happy, too... so next time if you think for others a bit more you won't ask for things..." the poor frail lady, gratefully nodded and embarrassingly thanked the nurse as she put down the cup after three precious teaspoonful of water was fed...

the one-minute astonishing conversation hit me hard... it hurts to realise that was actually human language... fortunately that's not visiting hours and no relatives was around...

sometimes i am really pissed off to hear what the nurses or health care assistants or even fellow doctors say... some think that patients equal to problems... some are quite cold-blooded... not uncommonly i feel the pressure to get rid of some less-welcomed patients... we do get numb after a period of service... what happened to my grandma last year allow me to reflect on our attitude... remember it's not their fault to end up in a dependent state... they're the ones who suffer... any of us or our family members could end up this way... it's not their choice... we're all busy and stressed... it's impossible to provide very high quality care, that's quite understandable... at least be humane and don't say something rude, irresponsible and unprofessional... if you don't show respect, no wonder patients and their family don't respect you...

this is just one of many many lessons that dawn on me... yungyung you look very cute in your new hat and scarf... i wish you all the well-being and happiness in the new year... i love you as always...

my guess watch

just fine

i only have a few watches... there is one and only one favourite... an oval-shape guess watch... it's a present from dad a decade ago after the school cert exams... dad is the kind of man who never buys nonessential things... he provides me with everything i need... but he very very rarely buys a gift... i can literally count the few... a watch, a musical *risu* from hokkaido and my car... the squirrel dolly must be the most nonessential good he's ever bought... i treasure every gift from my parents, particularly this watch... it was the summer trip to australia in 1998... i remember exactly where this shop in gold coast was... i finished my school cert exam and did exceptionally well... to my parents, a child need not be awarded for getting good grades (i personally agree with them)... this is the only time dad thought his child was worth some *award* for doing well in exams... the egg-shape made it very unique... i've never seen a single one like mine...

the back cover of the watch is rather strange... it takes a special tool to open... that makes repair difficult... i had to send it back to the maintenance centre just to change the battery...

now i always have a cell phone with me i don't really need a watch... usually i rely on the phone for time... this watch was put aside for some years... naturally the battery has run out... recently i begin practising for paces exam then i realise i need a watch to time the pulse and respiratory rate... i have no functioning watch except a very funky one...

yesterday i finished CGAT early at 3pm... i could finally find time to go to the maintenance centre in north point... i showed the receptionist my watch and she commented that was a very old one and she needed to see whether they still had the parts... so i waited for some 20 mins then she told me once again since the model is so old they don't have the battery anymore... i asked her whether she can order it from other parts of the world but no... nor could they ship my watch to other places... in the end she gave me a list of address of distributors around the world which is probably quite useless... i also asked them to take out the battery hoping i can find the battery somewhere on this planet...

the conversation was familiar... it's like when i tell my patients' family that we decided not to do resuscitation... we make use of every opportunity to remind them the patient is already weak and frail and has multi-organ failure... and that there is no hope to revitalise them... it's about time to let go...

the receptionist was courteous and i believe there's really nothing she can help to fix my watch... still my heart sank a bit knowing i lost the channel to have my watch ticking again... though it's quite worn and scratched... i actually treasure it more than i have imagined... it accompanied me through all my exams... i wish it will accompany me to paces exam, too...

now i'm going to search around for this tiny button battery hoping i can find it somewhere in sham shui po and get my favourite watch function again... please let me know if you happen to know anyone who might be able to get this battery for me...

life in RH

cold

there're so many things that i'd like to update... i'm just a bit too lazy...

have been working in RH... it's said to be a form of rehabilitation for me... quite true... now i have breakfast at home every day... this morning, since it's so cold, i stayed in bed till 8 and left home at 8.40am... and still i was on time for work... isn't it amazing... i think i saved more than an hour a day on travelling... not to mention the gas and tunnel fees...

i have a very heavy load of patients here... i've fallen into the viscous cycle where the other 2 MOs have very few cases and i have plenty... but still quite manageable because i work in the geriatric team... i begin to understand why people in LKB have 30 odd cases and still manage to finish the morning work in 2 hours... when patients cannot speak it saves a lot of time... only 4 out of a dozen patients can vocalise, of which around 1-2 can actually communicate verbally... (i was literally very excited when i could finally talk to my 8th patient on day one...) it saves some more time when majority of them are here for conservative, minimal invasive care... and when they're all in the same ward without the need to walk around... it saves time further!

people are nice here... they're quite senior... not as fun as my mother department where almost anyone would *play* with me... that makes life a bit bored... i've been sending of dozens of sms a day now... chatting with friends... calling up jjj for lunch... things i would never have time to do before... i'm glad jjj's here otherwise i'm absolutely friendless...

another year begins

freezing

happy new year mates!

am glad to hear that someone is still reading my blog... though it's been quite dormant for the past half a year... there's really nothing worth noting in my life... it's been so ordinary and regular... whenever someone asked how i have been i was like o it's all the same... very boring...

think i've never mentioned why i started this blog... 1. all my cousins have their own blogs, i'm the eldest in the generation... i must have mine to avoid appearing old and out... it keeps me from detaching from the modern world... 2. i could (perhaps) improve my written english by writing... since both reasons still stand... i should keep my blog going... this year, i'm gonna tag my posts!

there were a few gatherings during the festive month... spending time with family and dear friends... enjoy very much meeting them at comfy places and chit-chatting... there're too many people with whom i'm happy to keep in touch with... think i've already seen half of them in the past month... i wish i have time to meet others in the months to come... given that i don't have paces exam now... and hopefully RH is really as heavenly as it's known to be... so that i can rehab myself a bit...