reflection

freezing












this is the old lady who has influenced me all her life...

she gave me all the laughter and sweet childhood memories...
she brought me up with great care so i grew up healthy...
she taught me righteousness and self discipline...
she made me hate cheese and all kinds of dairy products...

it's one whole year... she walked with stick and was ADL independent until her stroke and all the events started a year ago... although she is now bedridden and sometimes she cannot recall my name, her influence is there, especially on my work in geriatrics...

i have worked in the geriatrics team for 2 weeks now... and i have a few stories to share... geriatrics must be one of the most boring subjects... many geriatrics patients are bedridden, non-communicable, non-oral feeding, double-incontinent, contractures & bedsores... to some extent i don't really see their meaning to live... we're just keeping their heart beating by providing water and nutrients through the tube... i ain't even sure whether or not they're living... many would agree we probably prolong their suffering... that's a very difficult topic in ethics... let's not talk about the very extremes...

there's this old lady in ward the other day... her granddaughter happened to be a resident in another department of another hospital... i was doing this sunday ward round and this lady who was quite well premorbid ended up having a leg ulcer with sepsis requiring debridement... naturally she could hardly move and was a bit deconditioned after being hospitalised for some weeks... she asked me for water... so i picked a cup from a cabinet next to her bed but she wasn't even sure whether the cup was hers... i turned to the nurse for help...

as the nurse picked up the cup of water mixed with thickener and fed this lady, she said... "just a bit is enough... u see i'm very busy right now... if you would think about your grand-daughter being asked for this and that when she's working, you won't be happy, too... so next time if you think for others a bit more you won't ask for things..." the poor frail lady, gratefully nodded and embarrassingly thanked the nurse as she put down the cup after three precious teaspoonful of water was fed...

the one-minute astonishing conversation hit me hard... it hurts to realise that was actually human language... fortunately that's not visiting hours and no relatives was around...

sometimes i am really pissed off to hear what the nurses or health care assistants or even fellow doctors say... some think that patients equal to problems... some are quite cold-blooded... not uncommonly i feel the pressure to get rid of some less-welcomed patients... we do get numb after a period of service... what happened to my grandma last year allow me to reflect on our attitude... remember it's not their fault to end up in a dependent state... they're the ones who suffer... any of us or our family members could end up this way... it's not their choice... we're all busy and stressed... it's impossible to provide very high quality care, that's quite understandable... at least be humane and don't say something rude, irresponsible and unprofessional... if you don't show respect, no wonder patients and their family don't respect you...

this is just one of many many lessons that dawn on me... yungyung you look very cute in your new hat and scarf... i wish you all the well-being and happiness in the new year... i love you as always...